[b]Chapter 4: "...but I would be proud to partake of your Pecan Pie"[/b]
True friendship exists where there are no hidden agendas--and if there were agendas, they don't remain hidden (at least from each other). These kinds of friendships, are quite rare. The thing is, even though we all like to pride ourselves in our amazing capacities for tolerance and acceptance, we're never quite as kind as we think we are. Besides, in my opinion, you just can't possibly have that good of a friendship with someone that you have to "tolerate". True friendship is when you are willing to partake in every piece of the pie--when you don't feel the need to pick the pecans off.
This applies to both your relationship with yourself and with others. And the basic rules are: 1) Never compromise yourself; because in the end, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror. 2) People aren't made of clay; you can't mold them into whatever "shape" pleases you. People whom you try to fashion into your own idea of what they should be, with the intent of keeping them close, will only drift farther and farther away from you.
Love is about finding the middle ground --even the seemingly perfect brand of love we find in the movies displays this. Yes, in the end the characters do end up happily together, but only after they've worked out their differences. And this is where the danger is. Finding the middle ground should never mean attempting to change them, or them trying to change you. It's true that people do change, but only because the motivation to change comes from within. In the real world, no one wants to be told how to act or what to do. Think about it from a simpler point of view: back when you were little and your parents ordered you to clean your room, didn't you just want to make even more of a mess just to spite them? It's the same thing.
"Don't go changing, to try to please me." Billy Joel had it right. Don't turn yourself into someone that you're not just to please someone. And don't try to turn someone into something that he/she is clearly not. It just doesn't work that way. When you truly love someone, you love him/her for everything that he/she is (or in some cases, isn't). You don’t love them “in spite of” anything, you love them because of everything. Acceptance, along with trust, is one of the most important components in making any relationship work. But be warned that there is a major difference between accepting something and choosing to overlook something. When you accept something, you see it as a factor and do consider it as such, but you don't let it mire you. Meanwhile, when you choose to overlook something, all you're really doing is choosing not to acknowledge its existence--it's avoidance no matter how you look at it. And although you avoid the topic, it will always haunt you.
Everyone comes with "defects"--no one person will ever perfectly and exactly fit your ideal. And you have to learn that that's ok. Don't turn minor “things” into major hurdles; learn to pick your battles. Don't turn your back on someone that you love just because he happens to like rap music and you happen to abhor the mere idea of it; get him headphones. True love is hard to find, and trust me, if what you have is the "good and true" kind, you'll find a solution to every "problem".
