there are some things in life where acting sensibly is just about the worst thing you can do. one example is within a romantic relationship. so what if it's impractical? so what if it's a difficult situation? if you want something badly enough, you'll find a way to make it work. besides, nothing that is worthwhile ever comes easily. you're supposed to fight for the worthwhile things.
sometimes, we have the tendency to equate avoidance with sensibility. for example, not wanting to get hurt. the sensible thing is self-preservation, but within the realm of relationships, self-preservation almost always translates into avoidance. i don't understand why we do this. relationships are a gamble, we all know that. however, it seems to be relatively unknown that the same rules apply. when you bet it all, you risk losing it all. but then again, if you don't take risks, you stand the chance of missing out on the big win.
rifts are created by this instinct or inclination toward avoidance. when a difficult issue arises, we tend to want to pretend that it's not there. we fear up-frontness because of what we think it might amount to (ie, facing our demons, having to figure out what we really want, laying it all out on the table). so, what happens is, we run away from the problem, hoping that it will somehow resolve itself and that somehow, we'll manage to emerge unscathed. when in truth, all avoidance really does is compound the problem.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that, as a relationship grows, it's natural to get scared that you're putting too many eggs in this one basket (i hate cliches, but it'll have to suffice). it's a defense mechanism, especially if you've ever trusted anyone who later proved to be less than deserving of said trust. i don't know how else to resolve that fear, other than to say that you have to have a little faith in people. learning to trust again after you've been hurt is difficult; letting people in is difficult; admitting to yourself that you want or even need someone is difficult. it probably all boils down to this one question: is it worth it?
Very true, i myself dotn want to get hurt, so i push people away, as much as i dont mean to do it it still happens and the other person gets hurt... but i am still hurt by hurting them so it just sucks either way
Reply to: BeautifulQuack
nobody likes to get hurt. but then again, getting hurt (at least in my opinion) is just a commensurate part of human relations. think about it, would it hurt at all if it didn't mean anything to you? living passionately requires us to be open to the possibility of getting hurt--otherwise, what the hell are we doing? the fact that you hurt at all, means that you are living intensely.
posted by: jabochi gal (reply)
post date: 12.15.04 (4:22 pm)
I agree with you and yet even in that, I know that I am guilty of doing just that; tryin to avoid things or playing things safe. It comes down to the question of,Would you rather be hapoy and take a jump for that feeling at that moment or be status quo and complacent in the blah...
