I've been getting a few complaints about the content of my blogs. Apparently, I haven't put enough of myself into them. I guess that means that I haven't really opened up, and put myself out there. And it's true, but only to a certain extent.
You have to understand, it's perfectly normal to want to be even just a little bit guarded. To attempt to put up walls so that others can't see inside. There seems to be a lot of that going on around here lately. It's a fear that I think we've all experienced before. Because when we open up to people, we're left vulnerable, and naked in a sense.
Most of the time, I talk about a lot of nothing. And there's a reason for that. Usually, there's something else going on, but I might not say anything because I wasn't really taught to do that. It wasn't frowned upon, but I just wasn't raised like that. I was raised to think that I can deal with just about anything. And I'd like to think that I can. I like to think that I'm fully capable of taking care of myself and whatever else that concerns me.
The role I've always played was that of the problem solver. I was one of the kids that everyone ran to whenever they were having problems. I guess that kind of conditioned me to think that I can deal with everything on my own, and in my own way. But the past few months I've spent here at school have really humbled me. It's a bit ironic that it's when I was thrown into a setting where I can prove/assert my independence that I finally learned that sometimes, it's ok to depend on others.
And learning to be helped doesn't come about until you're able to open yourself up. I think I have. I think that it shows in the relationships I've formed during the past few months. The friends I've made here have become my family. They're the ones whom I come home to. They're the ones I hug and kiss hello, goodbye, or goodnight. They're the ones I miss in absence. They're the ones that worry when I don't come home when I said I will. They're the ones I run to when I'm happy, sad or excited.
I've only realized it recently, but it really is true that you end up keeping the good out of your life when you shut yourself in just so you can shut the bad out. The "good stuff" is just too good to miss out on, even when you're desperately trying not to get hurt again. So thanks, to all of you who have made me realize that. Friends like you come around only once in a lifetime. I'll have you guys as long as you'll have me.
Its second nature to hold back your true thoughts or true feelings. We usually want to share them and tell people how things are, but then we overanalyze and tuck it away again. Sometimes, though, it feels really good to know there are people who you can show that part of yourself to. :-)
posted by: The Burns (reply)
post date: 03.17.04 (11:22 pm)
You know that the first part of your blog was a complete copy of my comment on Greta's blog right? Damn you be one crafty Flip... anywho... i dig
