as a 19-year-old, i get to make all these decisions that used to be made for me. i get to worry about what comes after each step that i take. i now have the capacity to understand and even feel the ripple effect that my actions make. and no matter how well i know the adage about living for today, i'm plagued by memories of disappointment, failure, even heartache, while at the same time, haunted by anxiety over what is to come.
but instead of letting these swirling thoughts paralyze me, i'm going to get out of bed everyday. i'm going to continue going about my business. i'm going to do what makes me happy. i'm going to cherish my family and friends. i'm going to make mistakes. and learn from them. i'm going to have a sense of humor about my humanity. i'll do the very best that i can. i'm going to get up every time i fall. i'm going to continue to laugh, love, live, because these are the important things.
i have a new theory. i think that people grossly underestimate the impact their own lives have had on that of those around them. we tend to think that we lead small insiginificant lives and that we can't make our mark if we're not President; if we're not educated; if we're not rich; if we're not eloquent; if we're not doing something big.
now, as a nineteen-year-old, i realize that i don't have to wait [i]to become something [/i]to affect change in people's lives. today, as i flipped through mitch albom's [i]tuesdays with morrie[/i], i started to think about how people can choose to, and therefore actively affect change in other people's lives. we think that we are simply going through the motions, and not really making a difference because most of us are just "regular people". i think that's a mistake because without knowing it, we've already made our mark.
just think of all the people whose lives you've touched. just think of all the people that you've met in your lifetime. think of your family, friends, or even your acquaintances. at this very moment, someone out there... ...is thinking of you ...wants to tell you a joke ...wants to tell you about his/her day ...wants to know how your day was ...cares about you ...misses you ...wants to hold your hand ...wants you to be happy ...wants you to find him/her ...wants to give you a gift ...thinks that you ARE a gift ...hopes that you're comfortable ...wants to hug you ...wants to talk to you ...wants to be with you ...loves you ...admires you ...respects you ...can hardly wait to hear the next thing you'll say ...can hardly wait to see you again ...is thinking of you and smiling ...wants to be your shoulder to cry on ...wants you to be the shoulder he/she cries on ...thinks the world of you ...wants to protect you ...would do anything for you ...wants to be friends with you ...remembers you and wishes that you were there ...values your opinion ...wants to tell you how much you mean to him/her ...wants to hold you in his/her arms ...wants YOU to hold him/her in your arms ...loves you for who you are ...hopes you know that he/she will be there for you ...stayed up all night thinking about you ...is alive because of you ...glad that you are his/her friend ...is happy because of you ...has faith in you ...hopes that you have faith in him/her ...trusts you ...wants to get to know you better ...loves the way you make him/her feel ...is listening to a song that reminds him/her of you ...wants to tell you the significant role you've played in his/her life
you don't have to win the Nobel; you don't have to be President; you don't have to be rich; you don't have to wait. you don't have to wait four years to finish college. you don't have to wait two years for your MBA. you don't have to wait for anything and you don't have to wait to become something. my point is, just as long as you're content with the choices you've made down the line, and you know that you've done your best in every endeavor, chances are, you've already made a mark without even realizing it.
psychology books, even common knowledge, will tell us that the female and male minds are inherently different. they absorb and process information in very different ways. and thus, this affects the manner in which they relate to one another. for example, playing mind games. i'm not saying that i'm not guilty of "being a girl" and having had my share in the kind of silliness that i'm harping about. i'm just saying that it's frustrating to me. i understand that it's a defense mechanism; a means to protect ourselves from exposure, embarrassment, or even pain.
i find myself torn between self-preservation and honesty (or directness). i find myself asking, "why not choose honesty?" "why not choose directness?" why not just say what we mean to say? we'd all be better off if we stopped being afraid. we'd all be better off if we say what we mean to say; there would be far less misunderstandings, far less confusion, and we'd all probably end up getting more satisfaction because people would know exactly what we want from them and life in general.
so anyway, here's a recent conversation i had about all this:
T: hey settle an argument for me, will ya? C: yes T: do guys play mind games? i would say no. i think it takes too much time and energy. C: what do you mean? T: for guys, whatever gets said is what's meant T: no underlying meanings, no ulterior motives C: for the most part i would say that what is said is what is meant C: why do you ask? T: oh heather and i were just talkin' C: see i need senarios T: in relation to how guys and girls relate to each other C: alrighty T: i tend to think that guys are more prone to directness than girls are C: i would agree C: but there are always exceptions to that C: for instance... Robyn... she is pretty direct T: when a guy says something, a girl would usually assume that he's up to something, and she reads into what he said and comes up with all these scenarios. i think that's crap. i would just take what he said as what he meant...mostly because i think i know how the male brain works. C: yeah T: well, anyway. i win C: haha C: well put C: i'm glad you got some satisfaction out of that T: oh i did C: damn glad to hear T: wait, exceptions? T: oh like complicated boys who play games C: yes. or very strong-headed girls who are direct T: yeah C: but there aren't very many exceptions T: i know
but then again, who am i to judge? i'm a hypocrite.
