so i was cleaning my room the other day, and going through stuff that i needed to throw out, and i found a stack of old newspapers. one of the headlines caught my eye. it described how scientists have been working on developing a new version of The Pill, made just for men.
now let's think about this one.
when the pants come off, and the guy doesn't have a condom on him, he can just say, "hey don't worry, i'm on the pill."
but nine months later, you've got a baby, and you're wondering what happened. hey, if you're old enough to be having sex, you should probably be wise enough as well to know that some guys will say just about anything if it means getting laid.
also, as an afterthought, exactly how would this pill work? is it gonna cause the guy to shoot blanks? isn't that gonna be bad for his fertility in the long run?
[b]Freshman Year Memories[/b] -Orientation -1000 West Sheridan -August 20th, move-in day...."what?? we don't have air-conditioning?!?" -If the Red Line doesn't go there, then neither do we -NCAA Champions 1963 -The Loyola Ratio -the kind of boy one finds @ Loyola: a) has a girlfriend b) has stalker-like tendencies c) has asshole-like tendencies d) has a boyfriend -Frat boys go shopping for fresh meat at Coffey -P-Co. & Hammie's -2nd floor lounge (robyn came up, "can i live here too?") -the moving carts -Q: Hey, what's in the suitcase? -A: A 160-pound asian boy. -Grant Park Movies -Salsa Dancing at CFSU -foam party at the parking lot -gun-shots at Sullivan -"L" names -egg roll party @ the 2nd floor lounge -parties at Northwestern -parties at DePaul -Joy Yee's -Moving to the 1st floor -the infamous Dirty Mix -Dr. Sex -Alladin's -Albion, Arthur & Lakewood -teaching the art of Chipotle -the lake view -the "L" -the Metra -Mertz fire alarms -Mr. Paul Battista -SINO ANG TATAY MO??? -Coffey Uno -120, 118, 116, 114, 113, 112, 110, 108, 106, 105 -Downtown Trio -the Charlie's Angels Theorem...which one are you? -"She's not a slut, she's just non-monogamous." -First Floor Coffey: where they stuck ALL the foreigners -Robyn spills soup in Coll's room -Marcia's phone calls -singkil -Ace of Base -Kristina's house -the HALLOWEEN mishap -...leesie, no kidding. thanks for being there that night. -Aaron's house -Robyn gimps it up -Assassins -Jonny Lang @ the House of Blues -114's leaky wall, mildewy carpet -trips to the Art Institute -Evanston -Mad-style study sessions with Kinga -QuikCheck -Sitting on Santa's Lap -...Getting hit on by Santa: Oh, I'll give [i]you[/i] a present, alright. :shock: -...where are those pictures, by the way? -packing up for Winter/Christmas Break -IM addiction -MWF 2:30 lunch -TTh 3:45 lunch -9:30 dinner @ Rambler -tall tea and a blueberry muffin -sleepovers at Marcia's -10:30 movie at Marcia's -downtown classes -shuttle rides -PSHD -cartoons -ridiculously small head -abnormally small hands -poodle-butt head -"Sleep? Sleep is for the weak. We don't sleep in 114." -Hetero-Paul and Homo-Bob (according to Gert) -LA Tan -Greta's house -Poker -Kemps -Nictitating -Mongoose -Turk and Flip take Howie down -Christian, Howie & the sign...ooh did that leave a mark? -the Kids -Blockbuster -BERWYN?? -the ADG house; hepatitis B booster shots, anyone? -Volleyball games -#11 -#8 -Wednesday & Friday Movie Nights @ Finnegan -Great Wall..."I'll have the Loyola Special" -"Come on Eileen..." -the ghetto-plex -Bruno's -Boone's -Colt 45 -Joey -"Campion Nights" -Club 125 -Lakeside walk & talks -Gert's face-plant -Sevil goes to church after a rough night -Big Poppa -trouble @ 114, everyone gets written up -114 goes to AA -"hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time." -the Room Master -marathon roommate naps -114 sleepovers -"What?? 114 is clean? I'm trashing it!" -V-day Dance -birthday dinners gone awry -Catapulting Colleen -Rugby parties -"the morning after" @ LSD -Evan -Condom Guy -fantasy baseball -Coll's awesome sock collection -stealing Heather's underroos -stealing Robyn's underroos -Carmen's -faith sharing -Colleen's grandma's house -brownie mix -dance party -drunk dialing -Colleen's "lively" drunken state -sunrises -Sex talks and "TAKIN' IT UP THE ASS!" -8RIDE -8RIDE ALF -8RIDE Cinema -8RIDE DOG -"No thanks, I gave up heroin and dreamsicles for Lent." -Dave Odd -Dave Odd lurking around on campus -TJ -TJ's thighs -TJ making fun of 8RIDE -...did I mention TJ? -schnockered -Naked Night @ 125 -"Friendly" orgies at Campion -Coffey Girls: Keepin' You Up All Night -showering together :wink: -getting ready to go out, raiding each other's closets -running on CPT (Colored People Time) -Homestar -ButtDanceButtDance -Cheerleader, So&So, What's Her Face, the Ugly One -I [b][u][i]SAID[/i][/u][/b] ..... -she said showering's overrated... -...that's a LIE!! -talks on the rocks -Daily humpings -Daily lickings -goodnight kisses -the fatty -Chompers -Marcia's silent but deadly "secrets" -living in sweatpants -"class is canceled" -Psych 275 with Ottati -Howie Day @ the Congress -"Oh she can sue me any time." -...[i]SUE ME, SUE ME!![/i] -a fascination with Mike's clothes -Ice Cream/Smoothie Lady, "You want one?" -Robyn's 8 oranges -Sevil brings home [i]3 [b]American[/b] boys[/i] -Brandi -St. Patty's Day Parade -the boys abandon the girls -The Chase Cafe -planning on going to the Chase... -...and not quite making it there -Ben -the chalice (RIP) -Mike's rampage -Stephanie -Do it. Do it. -Are you crying? -No, [i]you're[/i] crying!! -The Chase Cafe Incident -Ben, again -"Mike, where are you??" -Jaeg is bad -Running a prostitution ring from 114 and 108 (first 5 mins are free. Right, Howie and Christian?) -the cops :shock: -incriminating pictures -peach penguins -bathroom attacks -Sex in Marcia's room -Sex in Colleen's room -Standee's -Clarke's -Siblings Weekend -the Georgetown 5 -Sevil's house -Christian's birthday -SURPRISE! -giant penis hanging from the chandelier -19 blueberry muffins -jello & skyy casserole -the Pan -playing in the park -"I say HARK!" -"We're gonna leave in, um....NOW!" -Sevy's car -Late-Night Campion runs -braiding Mikey's luxurious hair -Filipino Backrub Whore -"You make me want to crack." -Mars and Sevi's vocal stylings -the Crafty Flip & mangoes -Cards -Madden -"spin the phone" -Insomnia buddies -Late-Night talks -Midnight Mission (Ace aka thePan, Turk, Flip, theBurns, "Calvinand", Hobbes) -FOOL! -"You Ignorant Slut" -WHORE! -"I just pretend to be short." -Late nights at the Art Annex -United States of Leland -Mike Jr. -Greta's April Fool's -Gert's birthday...Carmen's & chocolate pudding -Rugby game @ Northwestern -failed clubbin' attempt, Club Mambo -Easter Weekend -Campion sleepovers -Dan's party & the brilliant idea -Walks of Shame -10 pm mass -Big Bowl -Cheesecake Factory -"We're gonna win the Nobel" -"GLORIAAAAA!!!!!" -Mason Jennings @ the Abbey Pub -dancing in the pouring rain w/ the girls & running to Campion barefoot (Gert, Sevy, Coll) -Water Balloons -sock fights
[i]Well, kids, that's all I have. All I can say is, we must have had a damn good time.[/i]
[i]This is for all the men in my life. All those who have patiently listened to me, even when I rambled on about subjects you couldn't possibly care less about. All those who put up with my endless array of shit. All those who understood that sometimes, I will pout, maybe even cry. All those who held me when I got scared. All those who stood guard outside the guys' bathroom. All those who, without complaint, fetched me water after I'd had too much to drink. All those who didn't mind waiting 20 mins for me because once again, I was taking much too long to get ready. All those who dropped what they were doing in the middle of the night because I called and asked to be walked home. All those who have made me feel loved, respected, safe; this goes out to you.[/i]
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funn y/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, and with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology, to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door. For the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population. For the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway. For the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters. For the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends. For all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated. For all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned. This is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: 'oh, but we're just friends!' And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyway, because you're nice like that.
This is for the nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due...and perhaps more disturbingly, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. So, until these matters are resolved, all I can do is propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you.
Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003 Written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
